When you are past the excitement and emotional rush of the initial stages of a relationship, reality hits and you realize that maintaining a partnership or marriage is not a walk in the park. You see each other for who you are (both the good and the bad), responsibilities increase, priorities change, fights happen, kids take over, busy work schedules, resentment creeps in, there’s little to no intimacy – everything seems broken. Amidst all of this, you are left wondering how to get the spark back in a broken relationship.

As the relationship progresses, you tend to lose the zing, the passion, and the excitement that once existed between you and your partner. However, this doesn’t mean that the love or romance that both of you shared is dead. It probably just got lost in the humdrum of daily life. You can still get your relationship back to the way it was in the beginning.

To understand how to get the chemistry back in a relationship, we spoke to counseling psychologist Namrata Sharma (Masters in Applied Psychology), who is a mental health and SRHR advocate and specializes in offering counseling for toxic relationships, trauma, grief, relationship issues, and gender-based and domestic violence.

Before we get to whether or not it is possible to rekindle a broken relationship or rebuild chemistry in a relationship, let’s talk about what a spark means. According to Namrata, “A spark is the first flash of attraction you feel toward a person. There’s so much happening – looking at or touching them for the first time, making eye contact, and other cute gestures. This spark brings two people into a relationship.”

“People tend to confuse it with falling in love or being in love, which is not true. A spark is similar to the honeymoon phase that couples experience in the initial days of the relationship. It’ll last for about 6-7 months. After that, it’s all about how both partners maintain their relationship. When you grow in a relationship, there is no such thing as a continuous long-term spark”, she explains.

Can you find chemistry in a relationship again? Is it possible to rekindle the romance in a long-term relationship or get your relationship back to the way it was in the beginning? Yes, it is definitely possible. Namrata explains, “If there is no chemistry at all, the relationship will die. Sparks are those pumps of air that your body gets so that you can breathe again. Even in long-term marriages, you might always feel the spark. You might find sparks or chemistry in your relationship here and there. But if you can’t feel it in the little things you do, then the relationship will not last.

“You don’t suddenly fall out of love with someone unless you have faced a traumatic incident or some kind of abuse or violence in the relationship. However, if partners have become distant over the years due to responsibilities, attachment patterns, or other reasons, but still want to be together, then they can definitely work toward bringing the spark back in their relationship.” Therefore, don’t lose hope. Read on to know how you can rekindle a broken relationship.

How To Get The Spark Back In A Broken Relationship?

When your partner and you started dating, there were sparks flying everywhere. You couldn’t take your eyes off or keep your hands off each other, would never run out of things to talk about, had date nights, enjoyed romantic candlelight dinners, etc. You never imagined that there would come a day when starting a conversation with your partner would seem like a task because there’s nothing to talk about or physical intimacy would feel like a thing of the past.

But the day has come. You probably feel that conflict, misunderstanding, resentment, or uncomfortable silences have taken over your relationship, which used to thrive and be filled with happiness at one point. The spark is gone. But don’t lose hope. You can bring the zing back into your relationship. Marriages hit a rough patch at some point but that doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the road.

You can rebuild chemistry in a relationship. You can get your relationship back to the way it was in the beginning. It is possible to rekindle the romance in a long-term relationship and fall in love all over again. This journey begins with coming face-to-face with questions like “How to make him feel the spark again?” or “How do I rekindle a broken relationship with my girlfriend?” If your mind is clouded by such thoughts, allow us to help you. Here are 10 tips on how to get the spark back in a broken relationship:

1. Communicate with each other

When was the last time you really had a meaningful conversation with your partner? When was the last time you shared your feelings and concerns with each other? Communication problems in a relationship can drive a wedge between partners, which is why it is crucial to keep the conversation going to keep the spark alive in a marriage. By communication, we don’t mean making small talk or chatting for a bit during meals or before going to bed.

Namrata says, “Get to know your partner on a deeper level. When you realize that the spark in your relationship has gone, you will also feel that there has been a layer of misunderstandings and a lot of masking on behalf of both you and your partner. This is when both partners need to peel those layers and figure out what is going on inside each other’s hearts and minds. Proper communication is a must for two partners will be able to seep inside each other’s hearts and really understand the root cause of their problems.”

Communicate to understand your partner better, see things from their point of view, listen to what they have to say, express your feelings, validate each other, and build an intimate and emotional connection with them. Be honest with each other. There will be disagreements and arguments, but learn to find an amicable solution to those problems. Both partners cannot always be on the same page, which is why you must learn to agree to disagree. Make each other feel heard and respected.

2. Foster physical touch and sexual intimacy

Building physical or sexual intimacy is a crucial tip on how to get the spark back in a broken relationship. A huge part of a relationship involves being physically attracted to and intimate with each other. Sex or physical touch (hugging, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc.) has the power to bring couples closer physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Work toward rebuilding the physical closeness that you once shared with your partner. If you are not able to do it naturally or spontaneously, schedule it. If the sex isn’t great for either of the partners, explore how you can make it better and strengthen your sexual and, eventually, emotional bond.

Namrata says, “Sexual activities play a huge role in bringing the spark back in a relationship. Imagine how you would feel if you were having sex with your partner for the last time. That way, the sex is going to be passionate, wild, and loving. Teasing each other, making out, racing your fingers in each other’s hair, holding hands, or just keeping it romantic with certain gestures go a long way to rekindle a broken relationship.”

3. How to get the spark back in a broken relationship? Reminisce old times

Recall the time when you had just started dating and what brought you together in the first place. Talk about the qualities that attracted you to each other. Reminisce old memories, feelings, funny stories, and all the stuff you did together in the initial days of dating or courtship.

Talk about the behavior or characteristics in your partner that turned you on then and continues to today. It will help you connect and figure out why you fell in love with each other and what has changed since then. It will also help you see each other in a new light.

Namrata advises, “When you’re with each other, you tend to discuss and reminisce old times about how you got into a relationship, what was the first thing that attracted you to each other, and other memories that you created in all these years. Revive the activities that you did when you first met. Visit the places that you would frequent in the initial days of dating. It might just bring back lost feelings and emotions.”

Source: Bonobology