Allison Holker, who had Weslie, 14, Maddox, 7, and Zaia, 3, with her late husband, Stephen Boss, has acknowledged it's been "really hard" to digest the DJ's suicide over five months ago because the 'Ellen DeGeneres Show' star's external persona revealed no signs of his inner anguish.

She told People magazine: "No one had any inkling that he was low. He didn't want people to know. He just wanted to be everyone's Superman and protector.

"It's been really hard because I can't understand what was happening in that moment [he died]."

The 35-year-old dancer is determined to stay strong for the sake of her kids and is encouraging them to be open about their emotions.

She said: "I could allow myself to go to a really dark place right now, and that would be valid and fine. But I want to choose a different way for myself and the kids…

"I'm trying to teach them — and myself — that if you're angry or sad, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. We're coping together, and that requires trust and being really vulnerable.