About four years ago, as an experiment in early relationships, I decided that I would take thirty days to go out on thirty dates with thirty different men.
As it turned out, it actually took me thirty-five days to accomplish because I took a trip with friends to Mexico in the middle of this data collection. I had decided that I would date ten men in their 30s, ten in their 40s and ten in their 50s.
Half would be men I was naturally attracted to and date if I were seriously looking, and 50% would be men that I had zero interest in for one reason or another.
Needless to say, it was an interesting project and one that I am glad I undertook for many reasons.
The education about our dating world of today was eye-opening. The information I learned allowed me to help countless of my single clients with from profile creation, conversation starters, how to best vet people out and how to stand in integrity in this crazy, swipe-left society that makes even love and commitment disposable.
Rest assured, there is a book coming in the near future that will be candid conversion around my discoveries and broken down into fun educational chapters where each date will be featured with all the pros and cons that I gained from the experience and tips on successful modern dating.
Today, however, I want to share with you six vital points that I learned through the process of dating thirty guys in thirty-five days to help you find “the one.”
Steps to finding ‘the one’ in a swipe-left society
All these points can be applied to both men and women. This musing is for the person who is looking to find a committed love-based, long-term relationship/partnership and has not had the success in the vetting process that they had hoped for.
The first thing that you need to understand about dating is that it is just that — a vetting process.
You should not be dating just to entertain yourself or stay busy with the idea that something is better than nothing IF you are actually wanting a serious committed relationship or marriage. You should be dating to figure out if you could have a relationship with someone, and once you start to explore the relationship you need to understand that it takes a minimum of 200 hours face to face with someone to see the real person.
It’s like they’re a different person
That’s why people today say, “I don’t get it. We had been dating for the last six months or a year and then things just changed. He/she changed. It’s like they were a different person.” Yeah, that’s correct! They had their mask on and it takes that long for it to come down. So why invest six months to a year to get that mask down?
Take the time on the front side to vet people quickly and front load your investment with time out of the gate. You will never get to know someone if you are just entertaining the both of you. You need to inquire. Lots of talking and asking, but it needs to be face-to-face. Texting and phone do not count!
People can be anybody they want you to see them as when you are texting, emailing and on the phone. The real person presents themselves face to face and with time invested.
Once you have figured out if you could see yourself in a relationship with someone, now it’s time to vet for partnership.
Source: Your Tango